July 26, 2011
The moment of truth has finally come. After two years of waiting. Signs were too evident, well as for me…
I was almost losing hope for the first couple of hours. He sounded too DISTANT, stern & didn’t want to be contacted. He even said “may ginagawa ako Jops, maya na lang. “His guard was up but geez, I got really frustrated that I went on my knees just to reach him. I begged, said this would be a big favor & it’s a now or never situation. With relief on his voice and with a feeling of secured-harmless conversation, he finally said YES.
** At Boni Station
Rain has been pouring endlessly outside. Need not to be alarmed since I was being protected by a cap, I decided to look cowgirl & a lil’ bit mysterious that night…
Yes, no make-up at all, just PLAIN & SIMPLE.
In 20 minutes, we were on the same spot. My heart was really pounding but I manage to maintain my “at ease” composure. He seemed to be in a hurry since he just sneaked out of his office, while I was very tensed, unpredictable & uncontrollable.
** Confession over that top of halo-halo dessert
Ok, my first line was…
“Alam mo bang hinintay kita ng two years.” His face was in awe, then I simply added “PERO HINDI NA NGAYON” He got relieved…
Jops: Alam mo din bang araw – araw kong tinitignan ang facebook profile mo! HAHA. As in walang palya yun, everyday talaga. Ako din pala yung nagttxt sayo anonymously pag b-day mo @ exactly 12.
Mon: Haha, talaga?
Jops: Oo nga, hindi yun mga ibang babae mo or si Phines, ako lang yun, haha! Teka, may nasabi ba sayo si Akeem?
Mon: Wala naman, hindi na rin kami nagkakausap nun kasi sobrang busy ko…
Jops: Ah.. may sikreto kasi kami nun. Nung schooldays , lagi ko tinatanong si Akeem kung nasan ka, tapos sasabihin ko pa “Akeem! ‘Wag na ‘wag mong sasabihin kahit kanino , kahit na sa kanya na tinatanong ko siya ok?! Kung hindi..naku!” Hindi lang yun, remember mo paba nung naghost ako ng Battle of the Bands last year? Sobrang lungkot ko nun, pero nakaka-amaze lang na sa sobrang dami ng audience e ikaw lang ang nakita ng mga mata ko tapos nun sobrang energetic ko na, haha! Kaya lang nakita ko katabi mo pala yung girlfriend mo. At eto pa, pumunta pala ako ng Bagac, Bataan last year ng summer… Umiyak lang ako ng umiyak sa tabi ng dagat. Na-miss ko lahat, namiss kita. Well I thought nung una nakalimot na ‘ko, kasi ‘di na naman tayo nagkikita, gulat na lang ako nung makita kita sa Cubao bus terminal, naka-akbay ka pa sa kanya nun. Pero ‘di ko kayo tinawag kasi ‘yoko magpakita. Diba nagkita din tayo last April 24 sa house party ni Nigel? Hindi kita masyado pansin nun kasi naman parang may kadenang nakatali sayo. Haha.
Mon: Haha, sus.
Jops: Haha, nasabi ko sayong after ng party diretso byahe na ko pabalik ng Manila diba? Kasi nga may pasok pa ko ng 6 am?
Mon: (tango lang)
Jops: Ayun, iyak ako ng iyak nun habang nasa bus, kasi sobrang nainggit ako sa inyo ni Cess, ang sweet-sweet nyo.
Mon: Sus, sweet daw.
Jops: Nagsusubuan pa nga kayo ng fries sa harap ko, haha. Akala ko nga iiyak ako ngayon sa harap mo.
Mon: ‘Wag dito, maraming tao…
Jops: Hindi na ko umiiyak ngayon, I’ve grown up. Haha, wait lang, nakalimutan ko palang sabihin sayo, pinahula kita ng maraming beses, lagi ko tinatanong kung malapit na kayo magbreak.
Mon: HAHAHA!
Jops: HAHAHA! Harmless naman ako noh, tahimik lang akong naghihintay, ‘di naman yung tipong papakulam ko siya para lang maghiwalay kayo. HAHAHA! Adik ko no? Uy, gwapo mo ngayon ah, pinya pa yata yang damit mo? Haha.
Mon: Haha! Divisoria lang yan.
** The Bottomline—an anecdote
“Alam ko namang para sa mga guys, ang past ay past na, at hindi na dapat binabalikan pa. Kaya lang, nagulat din ako na everybody’s moving. I mean they’re going on with their own lives, including you and yet kahit anong pag-move ko nasa parehong place pa rin ako, di nagbabago. I need you to know this para naman wala ng pagkukunwari… at makalaya na ko sa MINE MADE kong rehas.
Naaalala mo pa ba nung sinusungitan kita? Nung inaaway kita? At nung PINAPAHIYA kita? (He nodded)
Teka nga pala, matanong ko lang…SINUMPA MO BA KO? (He refused)
Ahh.. buti naman, kala ko kasi sinumpa mo ko sa lahat ng pagmamalupit ko e. Pansin mo bang TANGING IKAW lang yung pinapahiya ko? ( He nodded once more)
SORRY (serious mode), maaaring wala naman yun para sayo o kaya pwedeng nakalimutan mo na. Pero iba impact sakin eh, sa maniwala ka’t hindi… memorize ko pa rin lahat ng mga sinabi mo noon, pati txt mo. He suddenly interrupted and said “ows?”, so what I did was pure re-enactment then.
*ANG PAG_BAWAL SA CLUB BOSSA: “Jopay, ‘wag kang sasayaw, dito ka lang”
Jops: Che!
*ANG PAG-BAWAL SA PAGLALARO NG PSP: “Jopay, kain kana, isa! Hindi mo bibitawan yan, ibabato ko yan! ”
*SA BISPERAS NG ARAW NG MGA PUSO: “ Jopay, pano ba nyan, 14 na bukas, san tayo?
Jops: Makikipaglamay ako bukas eh, sama ka?
*ANG PAGPAPALIT NG NUMERO: “Jopay, nagpalit ka na pala ng number?
Jops: Matagal na, hindi mo alam? SORRY FOR THE WORD NO, MANGMANG KA?
*Bago nga tayo mag-graduate nun, nung nagkasalubong tayo sa daan, nag ‘hi’ ka tapos snob lang kita. Sabi mo bigla “SANA HINDI NALANG KITA NAKILALA”, sabi ko naman “DRAMA MO!” Sa totoo lang, kinimkim ko yun, feeling ko sobrang sama ng ugali ko, KAYA EVERYTIME NA MAY MAGUGUSTUHAN AKO, UMAATRAS AKO, nag-guilty kasi ako. Pakiramdam ko hindi ako dapat magmahal.
** The Feedback
I can’t remember anymore his exact words but what struck me the most was when he said “Nung nagsusungit ka, alam ko namang biro lang yun… I mean ALAM KO NAMANG HINDI IKAW YUN.”
Happiness suddenly sneaked in, geez, he knew that I wasn’t really that BRAT, that everything was a mere PRETENSION.
His following words were “Hindi ko alam kung anong dapat i-react ko, gulat kasi ako… akala ko sa movie lang nangyayari yung may maghihintay sa isang tao ng sobrang tagal… hindi ko rin alam kung nakakatulong nga ba ako sayo o kung kailangan mo ng advice. I butt in, “Hindi ko naman kailangan ng advice, basta sana makahanap na ako ng bago…” He then continued “makakahanap ka din…”
And the rest was history.
** Farefarren
“If you walk away, then I’ll walk away. First, tell me which road you will take coz I don’t want to risk our paths crossing someday. So you walk that way & I’ll walk this way.”
Parting ways (for real).
No turning back.
As we were on our way to the mall’s exit, I can’t help but notice that he begun to be so conscious, so gentle and so vigilant with his actions. And for the last time, I asked for a HUG. Then with a crooked smile on his face, he grumpily whispered “daming tao”. But I embraced him still and so as he…
We finally bid our goodbyes. BYE for GOOD.
** To Contemplate
Off to Cubao via MRT, trying really hard to figure out whether I’m happy, sad or would like to burst and cry.
But only one thing’s certain, I’m at PEACE, felt like I’ve been released from the hidden and suppressed emotion, from pretension and all. Well, things have changed… A LOT. Really thankful that I was able to say that UNSOLICITED & SUPER DELAYED APOLOGY from the past.
Excess: His 1st and last txt
“Ingat jops. Hopefully nakatulong nga ako. Don’t worry inabsorb ko naman lahat. Hehe. Medyo shocked lang. ‘Di ko deserve yung attention mo for two years. Dadating din yung panibagong beginning para sayo syempre. Maging open ka lang din para dun. Ingat ah.”
-SILENT SOB-
